Sleep|Less
"Thought upon thought upon thought upon thought upon
Flesh upon bone upon bone becomes flesh
Whats within without and around reflects
and I can see it back through a sunflare"
--Golden_orchids


Thought upon thought upon thought upon thought upon
things wrought of nought upon things naught of this I hear
calling across over seas never resting like
telephone voices distorted by static say

Flesh upon bone upon bone becomes flesh of my
eyes travel back in my head to my neurons where
thoughts never resting and wrestling between the two
states that I'm neither the best nor the other so

Reconcile both to the falling beneath of my
mind to the depths where tranquillity truces let
pupils stare outwards into the dark eyelids and
whats within without and around reflects on the

Clarity seeping through ev'ry synapse putting
me on dry land in the hardest of boots so that
everything's solid and keeping me heavy when...

...and I can see it back through a sunflare.

25/12/08 04:42am
Writer's Commentary
  • 3 comments
  • OMG'd 1 time
  • 1 active
  • Rated ++++-
Yep. This'ns for golden_orchids. The form is a simplified glosa (ta Kluny for tipping me off to that one), and the meter is (mostly) dactylic tetrameter, which is a pretty damned awesome meter.
Comments
Thu, 25 Dec 2008 at 11:24am
golden_orchids:
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Goldie-Os
Awh Smiler you mad thing- this has totally blitzed the original piece man :P
I wish I knew about them metery-things betterer ^-^
Happy Xmoose y'all
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Thu, 25 Dec 2008 at 01:35pm
bowers:
Language:++++-
Rhythm:+++++
Structure:+++++
Vivid:++++-
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IF1
ahhh man i love this,
the meter is just fantastic :)
I love secret santa on IF :)
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Fri, 26 Dec 2008 at 10:12pm
aetherlightning:
Rhythm:++++-
Structure:++++-
Profound:++++-
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BZZZAAP!
Yeah i really like this... awesome use of meter... something that I could never pull off well... Jolly Good Show
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